Leave a message after the beep.

Anyone who knows me well knows I hate to talk on the phone. Loathe. Despise. Detest. Can I make myself any clearer? It's nothing personal if you call and I don't answer the phone. We're too cheap to pay for caller ID and so I screen my calls through the answering machine. Now, with that said, some of my friends probably think I simply don't answer when they call. That is not true. I repeat--a complete falsehood.

Most of the time. Like I might not answer when I'm writing. But if it's really important I will answer. 

But sometimes, I'm really just not home. Like last night.

Let me preface this by telling you that there has been a scufuffle this week with my brothers and I over a cake that needs to wind up at our mini family reunion this weekend. The buck has been passed from person to person which was completely unnecessary as I have had the situation under control the entire week. However, in order to ensure that two or three cakes don't end up at this reunion, I told Uno to call the proper authorities and notify them of the misunderstanding. Let me tell you something about Uno...he might be smart, but he's an airhead. Kind of. At least when it comes to calling people to tell them something. I have to mommy him to make sure his follows through. I threatened to spank his bottom if he did not make the call. 

Somehow even after that threat, I still received a phone call from Dos's wife, stating that she was confused about that cake.

This is not that difficult, people!!!! 

So I, of course, accused Uno, of failure to make the call. 

That, my friends, was a mistake. 

Here is the message that awaited me after I got home at 11 pm from a presidency meeting.

"Okay, first. It's 7:20 at night. And nobody's home. Who goes out at 7:20 at night? We don't go out at 7:20 at night. We're all at home at 7:20 at night. You should be there answering my phone call. Second, I did call them and tell them about the cake. But they weren't there, like you aren't. So I left a message. And they never called me back. Third. Their email bounces. I just tried to email them and it bounced. So how am I supposed to get a hold of them? Somebody's bottom needs to be spanked, but it's not mine. If you would like to dispute any of these claims, feel free to call me back. I will be home all night with my son, while my wife and daughter are off galavanting, watching Harry Potter. Bye!" Click.

Somebody's bottom needs to be spanked, but it's not mine.

Bahahahaha. 

Thank you, Uno, for giving me a good belly laugh. It was much needed and much appreciated.

I will see you tonight with the cake and I won't swat your rear. I promise. Rest easy my oldest brother. 

You rock.